7 Reasons Why Pastors Need Counseling Too

Pastors need counseling too. 

The goal of counseling for pastors should not be to just “fix” what is wrong, but rather to strengthen them in their callings and help them prioritize their health in every aspect of their lives. 

Counseling can increase a pastor's effectiveness and productivity, as well as provide support during difficult times. But most importantly, it can promote strong, healthy church cultures that are built on resilience and grace. And that is something worth striving for. 

Here are 7 reasons why pastors can benefit from counseling. 

1. Pastors can feel isolated.

Pastors often don’t have someone to talk with, especially about personal matters. Despite having their spouse, and befriending members of the church or elder board, numerous pastors still lack a trusted confidant in life. Shockingly, statistics reflect this trend. According to the Barna Group, only 18% of pastors report having a close friend to provide them with emotional and spiritual care. 

Sometimes, they need someone to talk to about their marriage or family. Sometimes they are wrestling through a theological or ethical dilemma. Or maybe they don’t quite understand how to process their own emotions.

Counseling is a great place for them to find this outlet. It can be difficult for pastors to find a trustworthy and empathetic listener within their congregation, without the fear that their conversation might be mishandled or shared with others. This is where counseling can provide a wonderful outlet for pastors.

2. Pastors can experience burnout and depression.

The expectation of being a pastor is that you “have it all together,” often leading pastors to feel like they must maintain an unrealistic level of performance in order to keep the job. The high demands of ministry can often lead to burnout and even depression, which is why seeking counseling is so important.

Moreover, pastors are often in the unique position of being able to instill a sense of hope in their congregation by preaching on topics such as God’s faithfulness and grace — while at the same time struggling with feelings of guilt, doubt, and insecurity. It leads to a deadening disconnect between their public persona and the struggles they endure in private. Counseling can provide a better balance between these two worlds, helping them acknowledge and cope with their own struggles while at the same time providing a strong foundation for their ministry.

3. Pastors don't have all the answers.

Believe it or not, pastors don’t have all the answers. Pastors also need and desire input and wisdom, specifically in personal matters. They carry a lot of burden in being the voice of wisdom for many other people. But they also enjoy listening and learning from others. Pastors are going through life like the rest of us, navigating ups and downs, parenting challenges, co-worker dynamics and more. Counseling can provide a unique place for a pastor to receive the same assistance that the general public receives for their own personal lives.

Sometimes pastors need to make tough decisions, both within the church and in their personal lives. Having another person who is impartial and removed from the situation can be beneficial in providing sound advice and perspective. The Bible says in Proverbs 11:14 that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. 

Pastors don’t always have an objective person to talk with. Family members are too close, staff members may be afraid of offending their pastor, and laypeople can often be biased in one direction or another. This is why counseling can provide pastors with a trusted collaborator to help guide their thinking and process the challenges they are facing.

Counseling also provides pastors with an opportunity to have someone who is not afraid to push back, shepherd them through difficult conversations, and challenge any underlying assumptions that may be keeping them stuck in old patterns of thought. This can be invaluable as many pastors tend to get stuck in their own head when faced with a difficult problem.

4. Counseling helps keep some burdens off pastors’ shoulders.

The majority of pastors lead congregations that are relatively small, typically 75-100 people. Not only do they preach and give spiritual guidance in their sermons, but they also act as a shepherd and counselor to each member. This involves visiting members' homes for prayer sessions and officiating marriage ceremonies or funerals. While these devoted church leaders invest so much into the lives of their congregation, who is helping them carry their heavy burdens? 

A counselor can be a fundamental part of any pastor's support system. Having someone to rely on, in addition to their spouse and close friends, is key for pastors who need extra assistance with the weight they carry in life. With such trustworthy help at hand, pastors are able to offload some of that burden and continue to be successful spiritual leaders.

5. Counseling helps pastors stay fresh, ready and active to continue their job, now and for the long term.

In this marathon of life, we all could use some help now and then. Even pastors who are running their race with excellence need support to stay energized and wise enough to continue on the path they were meant for. Counseling is one way that people can receive such aid in order to make it through another mile of life's journey. Those providing counseling have an important job - being a source of encouragement so those needing it will not tire out before reaching the finish line.

With the latest statistic from Barna that 42% of pastors are seriously considering quitting ministry altogether, counseling may be vital in helping pastors stay fresh, ready and active to continue their job. By providing input, feedback, and unbiased thinking, counselors can help pastors gain insight into the struggles they face on a daily basis. 

6. Counseling can help prevent a pastor from trouble down the road.

Pastors are not perfect. Even though they are held to great responsibilities and high standards. You don't have to read far into the Biblical narrative to see where the leaders of the people of God certainly experienced troubles of their own. Whether they are dealing with the struggles of their own personal lives or in troubles within the church, pastors need help - preventative help.

Counseling is a great place to help a pastor anticipate if something small could turn into something big and concerning. If you have ever seen a faucet with a small leak, if not attended to quickly it can turn into a big problem. Counseling helps pastors with this - ensuring that the small issues get addressed before turning into something bigger. 

Counseling can act as a source of accountability, where the pastor allows someone into their personal struggles or sins and helps speak into it. Counseling can be used in all stages of life, such as recovery and maintenance. But the prevention ability of counseling can go a long way in helping a pastor be proactive in ensuring a small concern is addressed earlier rather than later.

7. Counseling for the pastor will benefit the church.

If the pastor is thriving, the church will thrive as well. Being a minister of the gospel is an enormous task, full of pressure and scrutiny. At times it can be very isolating and lonely. If a pastor is struggling, then their church family can suffer as well with decreased growth. 

With the common aspiration for vibrant church congregations, is it not our collective responsibility as members of a congregation to ensure that our pastor maintains excellent physical and mental health? After all, perfection isn't what we're striving for - what's most important here is fostering healthy communities. 

In Hebrews, 13:17, it speaks of a church leader’s work as a “joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.” Healthy churches need healthy leaders. Regular and ongoing access to counseling can be one of the best resources a pastor can receive to maintain their own well-being. This can benefit not only themselves and their family, but also the church members themselves. 

Some cautions for our pastoral friends.

Let it be known that we care about you, which is why we will be honest here. While we are strong advocates for pastors seeking counseling for all the reasons listed above, we want the following to be taken into account: 

First, find counseling that is Biblically-based. While we know some will seek out insight from a different lens, we've also seen where counseling outside of the counsel of God has led to a pastor making decisions that were not in line with the will of God, which ultimately had a negative impact on the church. There are phenomenal therapists within the body of Christ that offer counseling which is God-honoring.

Second, beware of short-term fixes that are not digging deep. While it may be tempting to go for a quick fix, this doesn't often work and can often lead to bigger issues down the road. Instead, look for counseling that is open and honest about the problems you are facing. This will require being vulnerable with your counselor, but should ultimately help in the long run. Going to a few counseling sessions to "check the box" and say that you went is not recommended.

Third, counseling should not be a substitute for rest or retreat. Nor should it be used as a way to avoid the struggles of pastoral ministry by seeking someone else’s “answers.” Rather, counseling can provide pastors with the tools and knowledge they need to continue their work in an effective way, now and for the long term. 

Fourth, counseling is not an excuse to cut everyone else out of your life. If the only place you are honest is with your counselor, then it is not likely that you are going to get the best help possible. Connecting with trusted friends and other sources of wisdom can bring a different perspective and more insight than counseling alone. Don't exclude your spouse and close friendships from processing issues.

Finally, counseling is not a sign of weakness or failure. On the contrary, it can be seen as an act of courage and strength in taking action to recognize a need for growth and improvement. Help the people in your congregation by removing the stigma of counseling, and speaking confidently and openly about the positives of seeking help. Don't feel ashamed for seeking help - you are doing something to benefit your health and well-being, as well as that of those you serve.